The CEO is coming!

February 29, 2008

I hate working but who doesn't? Really, even if it is a laid back job where you don't really do much of anything, you end up hating it with every single ounce of hatred that may exist inside you. It's just how it goes and how it always will go. The bottom line is no one likes to work. Everyone just wants to stay home, watch TV, go out shopping, and go out to dinner at their will. The reality is that you have to trade the prime years of your life to make any of that even happen.


Today, I received an inner office memo that made me realize why I really hate the corporate world and why everyone should say something about it or do something about it. Don't worry, I actually have something in mind, it will be grand when it happens.

The memo is from the president or whatever of my company addressing all employees that the head masters of my company will be coming to visit from The Windy City.

You know what that means!!! We get to dress pretty for the day! Hot damn! I am going to get me the fanciest tie I could find for the occasion and I hope the CEO says, "Nice tie you got there, mind if I try it on?"


I'll say, "Sir, I don't know, I spent a pretty penny on this silk tie at my local Wal-Mart."

He will laugh and threaten my job just so he can wear my tie, and I will be crushed because my wife and kids chipped in to buy that tie for me.

Back to the memo.

The memo has these beautiful sub-headings that highlight what matters to you, the working man. Those headings are:

"What is a town hall?"

As far as I am concerned it's where a town will go to discuss anything about the town. To apply that to corporate world, it's a place where you get to hear how people higher up then you are making much more money than you ever will and how you, if lucky, may get a sliver of said profits. Then you can ask any questions or address any concerns just to have them swept under the carpet Human Resources style.


"How does this affect you?"

My favorite and frankly all I am concerned about. This is where I get to read that we get to change just so corporate knows we are serious about success and making money.

Let's break it down!

"First, the dress code will change to BUSINESS ATTIRE for the day...Employees who do not comply with the dress code will be required to g home and change. Loss of pay will be involved..."

Wahoo! I get to change from this comfy business casual to sheepish business attire. I have the choice to wear a dress shirt, sweater, cardigan (I think I am sold!), vest, slacks or trousers (Is there really a difference?) that are not faded, torn or wrinkled (Darn! That means I have to do laundry and iron. *sigh*) and shoes with socks.

So on this one day I can't wear my normal attire which is jeans, shoes, and a button up shirt(not a dress shirt, just one of those comfy Dickie's ones).

"Second, you will be asked to evaluate your work area...Our goal is to minimize the differences between our office and the other *removed* offices..."

No big deal because all that I have on my desk is my fortunes from fortune cookies and my little dinosaur pen. Is that too different?

I think I should get a picture of my family and put it by my monitor so I look like a hard working family man. By family I mean me with my two cats.


"Third...."

Who cares? It's just about being at the town hall.

"Fourth, you may be asked to...visitors listen to your calls..."

Well, lucky for me, I get about 2 calls a week.

"Our goal is to shine a positive light on *removed*. We are proud of our team and believe our visitors will be impressed with everything they see and hear..."

AKA, BAAAAAAAA!

I can understand why being presentable is a huge portion of business, but to misrepresent yourself for a day is just sad. If you really are proud of your team then memos like this should be unnecessary. The only thing that a memo like this should say is, "Please, clean up your desk area a bit. Thanks, Management"

Cause seriously, what do you do when someone comes and visits your house? You probably just clean up your house a bit to make it look a bit clean and just be yourself. That is of course assuming you are not a sheep.